A couple of months before the engagement, I was at Matt's house when there was a knock at the door. He opened it and I saw a sheriff and he quickly went outside and closed the door. When he came back inside I, of course, asked him what was going on. He then told me that a girl he dated before me was coming up with some slanderous allegations that he had raped her. Then insisted that none of it was true and she was just upset that he was dating me now. I pressed for more information but he held onto the story that it was completely made up and nothing would come of it. I was concerned but it was kind of a believable story at the time. He hadn’t raped me or shown any signs of aggression so I took it at face value.
In Denver, when I came upon that email his story was that a friend took his phone where he had dick pics from a previous relationship and made these emails as a joke. Again… although this seemed untrue and the pictures of a more recent set up of his room… I wanted to believe it.
I had just got promoted to Front Desk Manager of this very upscale salon in Dallas. I had announced to everyone I was engaged. I was trying so hard to turn my image and life around. The thought of denouncing all that so quickly was beyond embarrassing to me. I came to the conclusion that I would continue this for a couple more weeks after getting home then call off the engagement.
When we arrived back home, Matt was even more of an awesome boyfriend. He would send me flowers to work. Come see me on my lunch break. Take me out to nice dinners.I quickly pushed all the ideas of him not being who he said he was to the back of my mind once again. He began to push to get married sooner. I didn’t see marriage as a super important thing. It meant a lot to him so I went along with it. We got married at the Justice of the Peace April 24th.
A couple weeks later, we had our elopement party. My family was so excited for me. My mom was happy I found someone who’d love me. All my friends loved him. More than they liked me even. Matt was super charismatic. I could take him anywhere and he’d fit right in. Anywhere we’d go he’d show me off like a prize he had won. It felt good. Everything felt really good.
After the party, life continued like usual. I was still working out a lot. Going for runs with our new dog, Kava. One day that same week, I wanted to go for a run and Matt complained that he was too tired from his manual labor job and didn’t feel like it. I shrugged it off and got ready to leave. As I was saying I’d be back in 30-40 minutes, his attitude towards me drastically changed. Still I proceeded not thinking much of it at the time then returned. He gave me the silent treatment and stayed on his phone the rest of the night. Being tired after the run I decided to call it an early night and went to bed.
An hour later, I woke up with Matt over me shaking me and screaming at me. It jolted me and I was thoroughly confused. I thought something was wrong by how he was acting. He started calling me a slut, whore, bitch… pretty much whatever offensive thing men can come up with. I had never seen him act this way so I tried to console him and put my hand on his shoulder to… hopefully calm him down. I wasn’t mad.
Seeming almost repulsed by my touch, he stood up quickly and demanded answers for why I hadn’t slept with him that day. That I was out instead of running, fooling around with someone else. I laughed at the thought because I’m just not that motivated by sex. That infuriated him and he grabbed the jar holding the money we’d received from my family during the elopement party. He yelled that he was the husband and if he wanted to take all this money and go to the strip club tonight he would. None of it really made sense to me because I was coming out of a deepish sleep to a whole lot of nonsense. Why a strip club? Why am I a whore?
He began to move towards the front doorway with all the money and that’s when I felt I needed to react because there was $1000 in there. I reached over his shoulder to grab the jar as he was facing away from me. In that moment he threw himself back on me forcing me to the ground. He laid on top of me smothering me into the wood floor. He was pushing into me so hard I realized this wasn’t an accident. Finally I bit him in the back to try and get him off of me so I could breathe.
As soon as I did, he stood up effortlessly and with a look seeming pleased with himself said, “I finally have something on you now.”
The statement horrified me as I sat up and backed away from him. Matt still was holding onto the jar as he picked up his phone and called the police. I was jarred. I grabbed my phone and rushed to the bathroom and locked the door. The entire time I couldn’t see well because I had my contacts out. I quickly shoved them into my eyes and went to the living room to find my purse. He was smirking while talking to the police about how I viciously attacked him and that I was trying to leave. I couldn’t hear what the operator was saying but he then handed me my keys.
I rushed out the door with almost nothing. Within five minutes my phone was blowing up from him. I was apprehensive to go home to my mom’s as it was an hour away and I didn’t want her to worry. She was so happy for me. After I drove to Rockwall I pulled over and answered the phone. Matt told me he wouldn’t press charges on me if I just came home. Also that the cops were looking for me and knew where my mother lived. I turned around and drove back to his place because I thought there’s no way they would take his side. I also didn’t want the cops showing up to where I worked and causing a scene or looking guilty for leaving the scene of a crime. It was all so bizarre to me.
When I arrived the cops treated me like a criminal and said that they should be taking me to jail but since Matt desperately didn’t want that they were going to let it slide. I was allowed to go inside and get SOME of my belongings. I was so angry and confused. After getting some of my things, I made the drive back to my moms and telling her that Matt and I got in a fight and just needed some space.
I didn’t talk to Matt for a couple weeks after that. I started drinking a lot again. I didn’t really have a place to stay suddenly so I was back to couch hopping or staying at my mom’s. I felt so indescribable. Mostly I guess I felt like an idiot. Things don’t work out for me, I thought. One day after work I invited some random friend of a friend to meet up for drinks and ended up having this crazy, almost what could be considered fun in a pulp fiction type of way, night. We had empty meaningless sex and in the morning he said I could sleep in while he went to work. I never went back to sleep. I laid there depressed and afraid. I had so much anxiety I didn’t want to face the daylight. It wasn’t until two pm that I convinced my friend, Logan, to pick me up and drive me to my car. I laughed off the whole night like nothing mattered. He told me I needed to love myself more and I laughed then agreed. I just didn’t want to be alone. And I felt so alone.
Throughout the two weeks not talking to Matt, he was showing up outside my work. Parking across the street. Pulling up behind me when I’d get to work. Leaving notes on my car begging me to come back. I wanted desperately to feel like I did just a couple weeks before. I had a sense of stability for the first time ...ever. It was just one night. It was just one awful night. Maybe I should have waited for him to want to run too. Maybe I was so selfish I couldn’t see it. No one’s ever liked me anyway and probably for good reason.
I agreed to meet him at his house and finally talk. At first he seemed to be sincere and apologetic. Then he asked me if I slept with anyone else and I told him yes. He immediately flew into a rage and asked me who and why. I told him who. When he pressed asking why...I responded honestly and simply…”he was nice to me.”
From there Matt started throwing glasses and I ran to the kitchen because (it seems so trivial now) I really wanted to get my juicer back. I grabbed it and headed back to the living room where the front door was. He blocked my entry and put his hand back as he was about to hit me. I quickly fell to the ground and balled up just trying to protect myself. He let out a roar of a laugh and began taunting me for being such a pussy. I scrambled towards the door and saw him turn and pick up his golf club. I ran out and made my way to my car. I had a false sense of safety as I locked my doors to my car and exhaled relief.
Suddenly there’s glass breaking and shattering. He was on the passenger side of my car smashing it in and calling me a slut. I started up my car and drove down the street. He got in his car too and sped past me flipping me off. In all my fear, I still found it funny that he thought flipping me off was valid somehow.
I called the police. Nothing came of it. The officer just warned me that if I stayed with Matt, I’d probably end up dead.