Let me preference all this with saying it’s a completely biased one sided view of events that happened five years ago. The names and pictures of people referenced here is completely about them. Make no mistake.
To give a Little probably unnecessary backstory, I had just gotten out of a two year relationship with someone 14 years my senior that was a controlling alcoholic. I was open to dating but generally unhappy with men altogether. I wouldn’t use the word bitter just yet but I wasn’t being overly nice to men either.
Meanwhile I was hanging out with my friend Millie a lot and her boyfriend Tyler. They wanted to set me up with their friend Matt. Also I should mention that Dallas is a small world and all these people do indeed know each other. So I go on a date with Matt after playing Words with Friends with him for a couple days. All I know about him is that he loves Rastafarian music, loves weed, and is a super nice guy.
I was open to dating him but in all honesty he just wasn’t my type AT ALL. But he did have a place to live which is seemingly the only thing I look for in a man. We had an okay date. Matt was super attentive and engaging. I joked about how I drink too much. Then we ended up hooking up that night. I really liked how much he earnestly seemed to like me. Even if it wasnt necessarily returned, I liked him for liking me so much.
Over time things got more serious. Matt let me cut off his dreadlocks. I helped him apply to a brewery. He got a gym membership and personal trainer with me. We would ride bikes together. We went on trips a lot. Matt seemed to be everything I ever wanted a partner to do. I was never head over heels for him. But I was appreciative of all the changes he made to better himself. I’ve never had anyone in my life ever make steps to better themselves at my wanting. My likes became his likes. He even did a bike race with me around Dallas. He would take me out to eat. I never felt like I was financially holding out world together. That was huge for me after my last relationship... that I wanted an adult to be with.
When he proposed to me the night before our trip to Denver, I knew it was coming. We had only been together for six months but given everything I knew about him, I thought... this must be as good as it gets in ways of a relationship. I said yes and proudly posted a picture of my newly manicured fingers and ring on instagram. I never thought anyone would love me this much.
In Denver, we met up with his friends who lived there. It snowed inches and inches, so one day we went sledding. We ate a lot of good food. His friends weren’t really my type either. They were understandably Burning Man types that were super into a weed lifestyle. Which is fine but at the time I’d say I was more of a manic type a business obsessed materialistic person. On the last night we were staying at their place before leaving to the airport. As we were leaving the last hotel and printing off boarding passes in their business center, we were having trouble finding the email. I took over the computer being frustrated and said here check your deleted mail.
Immediately what I found made my stomach drop.
It was all this recent ‘Bear seeking Bottom’ titles craigslist ads. I opened one up while he struggled to push me out of the way and it was indeed from him with his penis and Bob Marley poster in the background. I can’t say I thought anything like anger or sadness. Just purely shocked. Sick to my stomach. Matt started telling me a story that didn’t make sense about how and why these were there. I knew it didn’t make sense but I... just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t say anything.
Everyone thought I was getting married to this amazing guy who loved me. As we laid in bed at his friends house that night I told him to promise me that wasn’t what I thought it was. I pushed it back in my head which seems insane but for the first time in my life I was getting what I wanted. This would ruin everything.